As I sit here quietly in the living room beside the lit Christmas tree that will come down tomorrow, I am thinking in both directions, backward and forward almost at the same time. I think back to New Year’ Eve celebrations long past that were spent in crowded places with lots of excitement, to the New Year’s Eve times spent at my Girlfriend’s house with our families and friends. I miss those times but am content here ringing in another year with my husband. We are 2 peas in a pod in many ways yet very different in others. After going to both South Carolina and Kentucky in the last week, I was looking forward to this quiet weekend.
I also think forward to 2022. I have struggled lately with forward thinking, planning for the future, etc. Don’t you worry, I am far to stubborn to allow more than a little dip into Doomsville but I admit that I have had to war against it here and there. It is a strange feeling, knowing that the next month or months will require strength of mind, body and spirit as I tackle whatever is developing in my lungs. There really is no way to prepare other than to pray….and pray again… and then pray again. To read and RE-read the promises of God.
Since this all began in the summer of 2018, I have taken one hurtle at a time and not really let myself think about how it all ends. During my year and a half of remission, I began to feel almost normal and even felt like I was cured at times. I know the doctors have told me there is no cure but I have always believed God’s word which says he can do abundantly and exceedingly more that we could ever ask or imagine! I still believe that and I will continue to believe that as I prepare for the battle ahead.
During the Holiday season, I participated in an online bible study about advent. During the study, we were led to bible verses in the Old Testament in which God speaks of his son, a savior coming to earth to save all men. Years before Jesus was born, we find example after example of instances where God revealed what was to come and he was true to his word. He did what he said he would do! He still does what he said he will do! I can still count on his word. THAT is why I can continue to live in hope and peace and joy! No matter what the world says or what my future holds, his word is still true! When I feel weak and the tears rise up, I speak his word to myself.
So, beyond my health situation, I have high hopes for 2022. I don’t do resolutions anymore. Instead, I pray for clarity to focus on the truly important things in life. My relationships with my husband,children, family and friends. I pray that God would take this disease I have and use it to open doors for me to be able to lift up others who are struggling emotionally or need help of any kind. I pray that God would help me to be a better Mother, daughter, wife and friend throughout 2022 and that I never miss an opportunity to tell my people how much they mean to me. I pray that our nation would see relief from the illnesses that have plagued us and that in every situation calmer heads would prevail.
Happy New Year!