Christmas is in 5 days! Wow! Every year I tell myself that I will slow down, take my time, relish the season! And, every year I hustle and bustle like the year before. This year was a little different in that my surgery recovery seemed to keep dragging on and on and slowing me down. I still decorated the house and shopped for presents but with a cane and a wound vac and a IV. My patient husband watched over me shaking his head every time I pulled out the ladder and climbed to the top carrying my wound vac with the cords getting tangled up! It was quite a visual for sure!
I suppose many who live with a disease like cancer feel the same. I refuse to allow my limitations to define me and keep me from enjoying life and doing the things I love to do! In fact, this makes me more determined to experience all of the things I love and make the most of them. I don’t think I truly did that when my health was not in jeopardy and I regret that.
In early December, I had follow-up scans in Houston. The chest CT revealed a few new spots of concern in my lungs. They are too small to treat so I will have a re-scan in early February. Depending on those results, surgery or even more chemo may be necessary. I need to heal between now and that time to face whatever the scan reveals. Of course, we were disappointed in the results and I had a few days of being down and depressed over it. This is all so frustrating. I prayed or rather vented to God about this and prayed for peace of mind and the strength to fight!
That is when I must speak to the fear! Remind fear that my God is bigger and that no matter what the future brings and no matter how much time God allows me to be on this earth, I win! I will either be here with God’s grace or in his presence for eternity! Believe me, I desperately want to see my children married, know my grandchildren and celebrate 10 or 20 years with Todd. Our human minds are built this way! I want to live, and I will continue to fight. Most of all, I want anyone who reads this little blog of mine to know that there is a place of peace within and it comes from God alone. There are so many people living with chronic disease who empathize with your thoughts and fears. You are not alone.
As we celebrate the birth of Christ this weekend, we are reminded that our hope, our peace and our joy are all wrapped up in the fact that God sent his only son to be born in a manger, to become flesh and to walk this earth so that we could be saved and have eternal life. No matter what 2022 brings for any of us, it cannot steal our hope, our peace or our joy!
My prayer for this week is that we cherish every moment with those we love! Make memories, take pictures, laugh, and play games. Reach out to someone who is hurting and tell them you are thinking of and praying for them. Remember the reason for the season!
P.S. After our week in Houston, Chase picked us up and drove us to Boerne, TX. He and Alex have been living there. I can’t tell you how much it helped to focus on something fun after being at MDA. I have posted a picture below. Nothing lifts my spirits like time with my boys, and girl!