He is my strength. I was reminded of this earlier this week as I experienced one of the best days I have had in a long time. If you have been reading my previous posts you know it has been a long hard summer.
I will quickly recap… when I returned from Houston in June and began a new set of chemo drugs here in Richmond, I immediately began having issues with my WBC counts going too low after day 1 of each cycle which would delay day 8 and required that my doctor reduce the chemo dose. In addition, the drugs caused infection to my still open wound from the Sarcoma mass surgery. This all came to a head in late July when I had a debridement surgery on the wound and spent 10 days in the hospital. Chemo was put on hold from mid-July until this past Friday. Although the little bit of chemo I was able to have had reduced the tumors substantially, there was a concern that the cancer would rebound while off chemo, tumors would grow and the disease spread. But that, my dear friends, was the doctors report. Praise the Lord that his report is not based on science but on his healing power and his grace!!! I know in my heart and soul that all of the prayers lifted up by My Good Vibe Tribe, laying my burdens at his feet and his healing power that resulted in this miracle! Praise my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ from whom all blessings flow!
I fight tears as I write this and reflect back on the prior months. As we all do, I fight against fear and doubt everyday. I remember feeling impatient and frustrated so many times over the past couple of months. Todd and I talked many times about the how our lives had been totally turned upside down over the last year. We both believe God has a purpose for it but….. WOW…. it required all of this at once!?! I just finished reading a wonderful book by Lysa Terkeurst titled “It’s not supposed to be this way”. Well, that about sums up our lives. Let me tell you, she hits the nail on the head sooooo many times with me. I have highlighted, tabbed and marked all up in that book. I want to share a few things that I repeatedly read when I need the words and reminder:
- News comes to tell us what we are dealing with. Truth comes from God and then helps us process all we are dealing with. News and Truth aren’t always the same.
- God loves me too much to answer my prayers at any other time than the right time and in any other way than the right way.
- God is far more interested in you being prepared than in being comfortable.
- And it would be cruel to require us to sing before we have a song.
- Weak moments don’t make weak faith. Weak moments make us even more aware of our need to press in to faith.
- Using God’s fighting words will not change what you see but it absolutely will change how you see.
- These disappointments we all go through are actually divine appointments to see God do a new thing.
I could list so many more as I re-read this book all the time. It has been a huge blessing to me this summer. Yes, my relationship with the Lord has grown immensely and I know in my heart that he has a purpose for this and I surrender daily to this purpose even though I do not yet understand what that is.
Now, let me tell you again about Friday!! As most of you know, I have not worked since May 13. I am one of those crazy people who truly enjoy working and love my job. I miss it! I was also worried about how my move to Richmond would change or jeopardize my job. Well, isn’t it a God thing when my husband gets a new job in the same city as the headquarters for my company! Friday morning I went to a meeting with several folks at the corporate office here about my return to work time frame. They were so gracious and welcoming to me. We talked about a slow transition back to work, working from home to avoid exposure when my counts are low, projects they would like me to work on etc. It all lined up perfectly with my interests and goals! I left there with a heart of thanksgiving and relief. I then headed to Massey Cancer Center to see my Oncologist there, get the results of my CT scan done the day before and find out if I could proceed with chemo that afternoon. Let me tell you that I said more than one prayer in the car on the way to that appointment. He answered them all!! I was told that my tumors had not grown during my hiatus from chemo nor was any new disease detected. I was also told that there is a possibility that I could have the 3 tumors removed after a couple of successful rounds of chemo followed by a couple more to be sure all cancer was gone. If this is successful, I could be considered in remission at the end of that. I was cleared to begin chemo and received my first infusion that very day. Praise the Lord!
Joy came in the morning for me and my family, dear friends!! I am so humbled and grateful and thankful….. a sinner saved by grace who is so imperfect yet Jesus cared enough for me to die on a cross so that I could be saved and receive his healing power. I know that my journey with this disease is not over and that I must daily give it to the Lord but this weekend Todd and I lived in this wonderful moment, basked in the good report and celebrated. So may times over the weekend we would just look at one another and laugh, or have tears in our eyes or just sigh.
We remind each other all the time that we are in this together…. with Jesus.