I am now in a Day 3 of my unexpected hospitalization at VCU IN Richmond, VA! I am not handling this well and I am not content! It seems I can’t take 1 step forward without being pushed 2 steps back. I began running a fever on Sunday and suspected that my STILL open wound was becoming infected. It looked very angry, actually totally pissed off!

The antibiotics that have been tried over the last couple of days have not made a dent in the problem so I am scheduled for an MRI and several other things today. The doctors won’t even give me a expected discharge date at this point.

This is frustrating. I am sure anyone who has dealt with a chronic disease would agree that it is a mental challenge as well as physical. Between the cancer issues and selling our house issues I fight the urge to be angry at God. Why does everything keep piling on with no relief? Is it too much to ask that we be able to get settled here? I want to get up out of this bed and do something, anything to make this all come under my control. I wanna fix it. We need a break……something has to give! I am all poised to have a big ole southern girl tantrum up in here!

Then…… I open my devotion book this morning. At the top of the page is the verse:

“Stand Still, and see the salvation of the Lord”

Ok, I got it Lord! I am again reminded that I do not have that power, only God can do what is needed and it has to be in his timing. I may not always like that answer but in times when I have forced my own will, it never turned out very well.

As my devotion goes on to state that I cannot retreat, I cannot go forward or backward. Only God can make a way where there is no way! Thank you Jesus for reminding me of this today and for the presence of the Holy Spirit that I feel in this tiny room as I read.

So while I am quarantined on the 11th floor of the north building of VCU, I have had to come up with ways to keep my mind in check. Here are my Hospital Observations and Activities so far:

  1. It is Christmas in July! On Hallmark! It’s not even close to the same as watching with my best bud on her couch. However, Christmas always lifts the spirit so I am trying to channel those vibes my way
  2. Homemade Angel Food cake with chocolate icing made by Madelyn Diersing made my day yesterday. Thanks
  3. The nursing staff have this amazing ability of coming in the room right at the same time I get a call or text from family and friends. What’s up with that?
  4. How many times can an IPad fall from a hospital bed before it breaks….. we are at 384,485 and counting.
  5. Being in a hospital bed makes one clumsy! I have spilled just about everything I have been given and even lost a couple of pills somewhere in the bed.
  6. Could we skip the 2:00 AM & 4:00 AM vitals check, Come On?
  7. I am now an expert web surfer. So far, I have searched for the following
    1. The best padded bra tank top
    2. The best travel Ipad organizer
    3. The best travel backpack… I am liking Knomo London so far
    4. Stuart Weizmann 5050 over the knee boot – ON SALE! HA!
    5. Summer Sale – various brands
    6. Nutrition & Neutropenia
    7. It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way by Lyssa Terkeurst (for obvious reasons)
    8. Cool Cricut Projects
    9. Leather Cricut Projects
    10. What to buy when visiting India (my sister-in-law is going there next week)
    11. Jewelry shopping in Bangaluru

8. When all else fails, there is always Etsy and Pinterest

9. Last and most important, God is here ….in this room. He knows my heart, my fears, my frustrations. He hears me when I begin to fear and when I claim 2 Timothy 1:7.

And because he is here, because he lives…. I can face today and tomorrow and the next day….

Additional Update: I wrote this yesterday. Since that time I have been told that the wound has deeper infection than just what we can see and that it will never heal without surgical debridement. There will be discussion today between the orthopedic surgeon and my Oncologist to determine how to manage chemo and accomplish this. As usual, I am so complicated!!! Possible surgery on Friday which means I won’t go home until sometime next week! Ugh!!