I am now in a Day 3 of my unexpected hospitalization at VCU IN Richmond, VA! I am not handling this well and I am not content! It seems I can’t take 1 step forward without being pushed 2 steps back. I began running a fever on Sunday and suspected that my STILL open wound was becoming infected. It looked very angry, actually totally pissed off!

The antibiotics that have been tried over the last couple of days have not made a dent in the problem so I am scheduled for an MRI and several other things today. The doctors won’t even give me a expected discharge date at this point.

This is frustrating. I am sure anyone who has dealt with a chronic disease would agree that it is a mental challenge as well as physical. Between the cancer issues and selling our house issues I fight the urge to be angry at God. Why does everything keep piling on with no relief? Is it too much to ask that we be able to get settled here? I want to get up out of this bed and do something, anything to make this all come under my control. I wanna fix it. We need a break……something has to give! I am all poised to have a big ole southern girl tantrum up in here!

Then…… I open my devotion book this morning. At the top of the page is the verse:

“Stand Still, and see the salvation of the Lord”

Ok, I got it Lord! I am again reminded that I do not have that power, only God can do what is needed and it has to be in his timing. I may not always like that answer but in times when I have forced my own will, it never turned out very well.

As my devotion goes on to state that I cannot retreat, I cannot go forward or backward. Only God can make a way where there is no way! Thank you Jesus for reminding me of this today and for the presence of the Holy Spirit that I feel in this tiny room as I read.

So while I am quarantined on the 11th floor of the north building of VCU, I have had to come up with ways to keep my mind in check. Here are my Hospital Observations and Activities so far:

  1. It is Christmas in July! On Hallmark! It’s not even close to the same as watching with my best bud on her couch. However, Christmas always lifts the spirit so I am trying to channel those vibes my way
  2. Homemade Angel Food cake with chocolate icing made by Madelyn Diersing made my day yesterday. Thanks
  3. The nursing staff have this amazing ability of coming in the room right at the same time I get a call or text from family and friends. What’s up with that?
  4. How many times can an IPad fall from a hospital bed before it breaks….. we are at 384,485 and counting.
  5. Being in a hospital bed makes one clumsy! I have spilled just about everything I have been given and even lost a couple of pills somewhere in the bed.
  6. Could we skip the 2:00 AM & 4:00 AM vitals check, Come On?
  7. I am now an expert web surfer. So far, I have searched for the following
    1. The best padded bra tank top
    2. The best travel Ipad organizer
    3. The best travel backpack… I am liking Knomo London so far
    4. Stuart Weizmann 5050 over the knee boot – ON SALE! HA!
    5. Summer Sale – various brands
    6. Nutrition & Neutropenia
    7. It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way by Lyssa Terkeurst (for obvious reasons)
    8. Cool Cricut Projects
    9. Leather Cricut Projects
    10. What to buy when visiting India (my sister-in-law is going there next week)
    11. Jewelry shopping in Bangaluru

8. When all else fails, there is always Etsy and Pinterest

9. Last and most important, God is here ….in this room. He knows my heart, my fears, my frustrations. He hears me when I begin to fear and when I claim 2 Timothy 1:7.

And because he is here, because he lives…. I can face today and tomorrow and the next day….

Additional Update: I wrote this yesterday. Since that time I have been told that the wound has deeper infection than just what we can see and that it will never heal without surgical debridement. There will be discussion today between the orthopedic surgeon and my Oncologist to determine how to manage chemo and accomplish this. As usual, I am so complicated!!! Possible surgery on Friday which means I won’t go home until sometime next week! Ugh!!

 

8 Comments on Standing Still…..is not easy!!

  1. I am so sorry to read your story, the pain of cancer is unkind and immeasurable in words too. It makes us beg and learn for everything. Whether it is begging for mercy and then been thankful for coming through it is all an emotional ride, to make this road smooth and easy to ride on is hard and even when we have loved ones there, we are alone in our challenge.

    Sending universal love to you

  2. I know God has a plan. I pray for direction to follow it, patience to wait on it, and knowledge to know when it comes – Tony Evans

    Kim and I are praying hard for you.

  3. Melissa, Kay Gambrell here sitting with tears in my eyes. I know I haven’t seen you for a while, I know, but I love you. Andrew is keeping up with you and praying for you. Love ya, Kay

  4. Melissa, Prayers for surgery on Friday and fast healing to continue to next step. Prayers for strength and God’s plan of complete healing for you.

  5. Dear Melissa you are so amazing,Praising God and growning stronger in your Faith journey each day,Praying for you and your sweet family..Love Faye Dees

  6. I feel your frustration sweetie… there is no cure or treatment for my disease. We pray for slow progression and a quality of life that I can live with. I think in the beginning that was hard for me to accept… I was mad bc God wasn’t letting me fight to be healed until one day I had this calmness that let me realize even if I die, even if I don’t see my children marry or grand babies or the old age me and Jason promised we would stand by each other through.. even if it all went away this is not my home. My only job truly is to be a light for the Lord and when he says come on home my faithful servant I will run to him. My goal is to try to live with purpose to shine my light even when it’s dim… I trust that his plan is far better than my own.. even though I have some really great plans… his will guide me through my purpose. Just breathe sweetie find peace knowing that you are trying to live your best life everyday but have peace knowing that God is in control. Big hugs to you and your family.

  7. Melissa so sorry you are having to go though so so much. I pray for you daily. You are strong and faithful, you will get trough this! Love and prayers my friend!

  8. Melissa I’m so sorry to hear all that you are dealing with. I do love your attitude about God being in control and there with you always!! God makes a way and ALWAYS goes before us! I’ll keep you and your doctors in my prayers!!!

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